A blog for 40-something women navigating married life and working from home. All while rediscovering who they are in a new decade of life. 

Lessons Learned in Love

I’ve only had a few relationships in my life. I don’t seek them out. I have so many trust issues that it’s hard for me to go there with just anyone. The end of a recent, I don’t even know what to call it, has made me reflect on the past. And here are a few things that I’ve learned about love and myself.

The first love

He was my best friend and my first love. It hurt like hell when he told me that he didn’t feel the same way. He was in love with someone else. It made me question everything about our relationship. But here is the truth: just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all their heart. When I finally understood this, I was able to look back on that time and smile, because I could remember the good times I had with a good friend.

The first boyfriend

It didn’t last long. But it was what I needed to help my heart move on. Time and a cute, amusing boy can help heal any broken heart.

The one I almost married

He said sweet things, bought me pretty things, and wrote me love letters. He did all the things guys do to win a young girl’s heart. He also lied to me, and discouraged any ambitions I had in my life. He made me feel like everything that was wrong in our relationship was my fault.There was never any compromise. It was his way or no way. I thought all kinds of crazy things that made me stay. The silliest being: what if he was the one and I gave up on him? Would I spend the rest of my life alone? Eventually, I decided that I would rather spend my life alone than be with someone who made me miserable. Best. Decision. Ever.

The one that got away

He was agnostic. When he asked if that would be a problem, I said that yes it would be. I have very few regrets in my life and he is one of them. Is it a relationship that would’ve lasted? Most likely not, but we would’ve had a lot of fun together. Giving someone a chance is always better than wondering “what if?” And I’ll always believe that loving someone is worth the pain. Worth the effort. The next guy taught me that.

The Wrong Guy

Everyone, and I do mean everyone, thought he was wrong for me. But I had more fun with him than any other guy I had ever met. Some of my favorite memories are of that time in my life. My only regret is that I let other people’s opinions ruin it for me. Would we have lasted? Probably not. We were on different life paths, but maybe I would’ve been kinder to him in the end. I was mean, and he deserved better.

The boss

I spent two years in love with him. Two years! I turned down so many great guys because I believed that he would eventually feel the same way about me. He never did. And here is the hard truth: if someone wants to be with you, they will. It’s that simple.

The younger guy

I went out with him because he was pretty. He was also sweet and nerdy and a all-around great guy, but he made me feel old. I mean his Dad gave him a “talk” before our first date. There was no way it would work out. He showed up a few years later. He was all grown up and the sparks were still there. He was just visiting though and had to go back to the base where he was stationed. Sometimes a great person just keeps coming in to your life at all the wrong times. And it really sucks.

The friend with benefits

He made me see myself in a way I never had before, and for that I’ll always be thankful. But he also made me realize that I can’t do friends with benefits. The line is too blurry for a heart like mine. It was fun while it lasted, and I don’t regret that.

But I admit, I have days when I feel like I could’ve written this song.

I’ve also learned that maybe I am just a little romantic:

“I’m not sentimental. I’m as romantic as you are. The idea, you know, is that the sentimental person thinks things will last – the romantic person has a desperate confidence that they won’t.” – F Scott Fitzgerald

So, what are some lessons love and relationships have taught you? Share your story/stories in the comments.

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