Indecision. It’s A Way of Life.

Posted June 11, 2010 by Paula in My Life / 0 Comments

In your twenties, you are in this kind of in-between stage. You are still close enough to your teenage years to feel young, even though you are technically an adult. You feel like you still have plenty of time to make the big decisions in life. If you are not completely sure about who you are and what you want in life, it’s not a huge deal, because you’re still young. There is plenty of time for that. Except that there isn’t, because before you know it the thirties are looming before you. And the expectations are completely different.

When you are in your thirties, you are expected to know who you are and what you want in life. To have a plan. Well, I don’t. I do know who I am, at least I figured that much out in my twenties, if I figured nothing else out. But I don’t know what I want in life. Do I want to get married? Do I want to have kids? Would I even make a good wife and mother? Do I really want to try? I don’t know. The thought of growing old alone is scary, but is that good enough reason to marry? I know I would like for there to be someone to put me in the old folks home when I’m old and if I never have kids, there won’t be anyone to do that. And that just seems so sad!

Do I see myself retiring from my current job? Could I really stand it for another 30 years? No. I couldn’t. Well, I know the answer to those questions. But what else do I want to do? See, I don’t know the answer to that! That is the big question and the one that haunts me the most. What do I want to do? I have no idea! And I should know! I am 31! This question should’ve had an answer a long time ago. I know I could go to college, people tell me to do that all the time, but what would I study?I like computers and designing webpages, but I don’t know if I want to do that for a living. Everything, is a big “I don’t know” right now and I hate that.

One thing I know for sure is that I want to do is to travel. Continue seeing the world. My current job has allowed me to do that. I think that is why I have stayed with it so long. I want to travel and I want to own my home someday. Those are two things that I am certain about. And for right now, I’ll have to learn to be content with that.

These are deep thoughts for someone who likes to live in the shallow end of life.

So, when did you know what you wanted out of life? Any advice for the undecided?


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